Holiday Confidential

Here's the scoop, holidays in this house are rough. As I flip through the Rockwellian photographs and stories of epic Thanksgiving feasts on Facebook, I think to myself, I wish I had that life. You see when I was a kid, that was my family, the big family gatherings for holidays. My brother, me, and a bunch of cousins having fun, getting in trouble. Now, that has all gone. The family has all moved away for far off corners of the country or they have passed away. I am left as a last vestige to a by-gone era, an island in time. What's the big deal, you say? You have your own family, make new traditions! True but that is where the difficulty starts. My son is on the Autism Spectrum, he's high functioning but it is still difficult. Instead of all of us gathering in front of the fireplace to watch a movie together, he will needle at his sister, stuff his face into the dog's face several times and all this time we are telling him to stop. See, the things that come naturally to most are hard, hard work for us and aren't really that enjoyable, for any of us. We are not the typical family, we don't have great photos of the kids on our walls because its hard to capture those moments for us. Trust me, I'm a photographer, I know how to make the moment happen or wait silently until it does, but in this house... it doesn't. Our traditions consist of fights to get my son motivated to take care of himself, brush his teeth, get dressed, get his shoes and jacket on, tie his shoes, don't make faces at your sister and smash your face into hers. It is a non-stop dialogue of do this, don't do that and it is exhausting. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally worn out. Holidays are tough now, not the excitement of those good old days. Those days belong to everyone else, the next door neighbor, the family members that have moved away, facebook friends. Now, I sit on this island remembering the Rockwell painting that was and wonder how I can make that happen for my wife and kids. I want to give them the priceless memories I was lucky to have as a child. It's just so difficult to have a "normal" day, I'm not sure its attainable for us and that breaks my heart.